I looked at myself in disappointment

A long time ago, I looked at myself in disappointment and wondered if I can ever enter Jannah.
The sins just never stop, mistakes just keep happening.

Sometimes new ones, and some times even the same old ones again and again and again.

Then, I realised this is the choice I face.

I faced a choice to be disappointed with myself, hate myself for not being ‘perfect’ or to respect myself for always trying.

And this is what I chose. I chose to keep trying

I decided, fine, I may not rise up on the day of judgment with a perfect record. But that is my goal and I will never stop trying for it.

So on that day maybe I don’t rise up with a clean record, but at the least, InshaAllah i can rise up as a person who never ever stopped trying, never ever stopped trying to please my Lord.

And I hope Allah(swt) the most forgiving will forgive me, because only he knows the true sincerity of intentions. May Allah(swt) help us all in always striving to please him with the most sincere intentions

So now, when I fall, its still hurts, I still cry, I feel the pain, the regret.
But then I move on….atleast I always keep trying to smile emoticon

I remind myself, this is the path you have chosen, you are going to be the one who falls but the one who keeps trying. This is the part of your journey, so just get back up!

One massive mistake that I fell into somewhere in this journey was moving on too fast, getting back up too quick. What do I mean? I mean when you fall, one extremely critical step that you must go through, to help you not fall again, is to FEEL PAIN OF FALLING, to feel the regret of falling, feel the regret of your mistake.

That regret IS itself InshaAllah where even your forgiveness lies.

You cannot lose yourself in this forgivness, you cannot lose the determination to try because of the fear of this pain. But you can also not just skip this pain. There has to be a balance, the pain itself is the fuel that will charge you to try, but too much of it can also sink you completely.

My dear reader, I hope this helps you in some way. May Allah(swt) forgive you and always keep the door to guidance open for you. Ameen

2 thoughts on “I looked at myself in disappointment

  1. Sugdiyona

    Thank you so much for writing this and all the other stories in your website, it really motivated me to keep being a better person despite my huge sins. Alhamdulillah

    Like

  2. Noor

    JazakAllah thank you for writing this I am very disappointed with myself and wonder if it’s too late now have I lost my chance at Jannah… I wish more people would speak encouraging words from the heart as you do. May Allah forgive you and turn your bad deeds into good deeds for you for all your persistence and helping others Amin

    Liked by 1 person

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